Inside the Fire
by JezibellaFleury
Summary: Why do people do the things they do? Why is it that the ones you trust the most are the ones that can cut you the deepest? Can Harry survive the cards fate has drawn him? Or will he lose himself in the process? Snarry, Dark/Creature/Sub!Harry but not evil
1. Autumn Vigil

**Chapter One: The Autumn Vigil**

I can't believe I'm at it again.

The corridors are dark and unforgiving this late on an autumn night. My footsteps echo too loudly and my breath becomes a misty vapor before my very eyes. The few torches left alight throw shadows across the damp stone walls, shadows which flicker and shift, quickening my heartbeat and my pace with fear.

I cannot fathom why I am so driven to this place.

Why is it that I walk this path night after night? I gain no comfort from my destination, nor do I gain any freedom from the thoughts haunting my mind.

I finally turn the corner into a short hallway, at the end of which is The Door.

Fifteen minutes I wait in the cold, my eyes never leaving the handle.

The Door is unremarkable, made of a lightly stained wood, its surface seems blank and dull, it seems forgotten, a layer of dust settled comfortably against its surface. The handle itself though, is the true mystery. Its surface closely resembles that of a quality mirror, yet there is no specific reflection. Sometimes I think I see the handle begin to turn, but I blink and the image is gone. Occasionally a flash of colour makes its way across the surface and I am startled out of my nightly vigil enough to return to my dormitory. Oddly enough the handle is not coated in the layer of dust that inhabits this particular hallway.

My fingertips are numb and my arms are shaking, it is time for me to leave. I take a deep breath and turn away, a whisper leaving my lips, its echo drowned out by the sound of my footsteps as I walk away.

"Goodnight"

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Another day I am required to face begins, and I am roused from my bed by the shrill call of an owl, then the Tap Tap Tap of its beak on the window pane. My body protests loudly as I rise and open the window, but I ignore the creaks and the aches.

Brushing past my arm the owl rushes inside and perches on my foot board, its left leg extended a slip of parchment wrapped neatly around its lower leg.

_Mr Potter,_

_I require your presence in my office, second period. _

_Professor Flitwick has been informed of your expected absence._

_Regards,_

_Headmaster Albus Dumbledore_

I am left to wonder what the old coot could possibly want from me, barely a month into the school year. I quickly shower and dress for the day, leaving long before my roommates begin to stir.

My feet lead me out to one of my favorite places, a smallish tree along the banks of the lake, its branches hung low enough so that no one would notice a small boy leaning against its base. It is here, as I watch the sun crawl above the treeline, that I let myself think, let myself dwell on what exactly my life has become.

* * *

Howdy Everyone,

I'm looking for a Beta for this chapter, you can qualify ONLY if you love Snarry, and obviously can do a spell check. :D

I also welcome input and ideas to further the story as it is not yet fully planned out in my mind.

Ciao,

JezibellaFleury


	2. Sunrise

**Chapter Two: Sunrise**

I wanted none of this...

Not one thing.

Not the fame, nor the power, nor the glory.

I never wanted to be an orphan, when I was young I remember asking Aunt Petunia once why I didn't have a mother. I also remember that it took weeks before I could get the taste of soap out of my throat.

I never asked for anyone to give me hope.

Oh and how had I hoped! When Hagrid had told me there was a whole new world for me, people that would care for me, when he told me I wasn't a _freak_. I almost couldn't believe what he was saying, and some days I wish I hadn't. I wish I had been oblivious to it all.

Because some days, I think I would have preferred to live in my little cupboard under the stairs, than have my hopes risen to those heights only to be brought back down again and again.

Every hope stolen from my grasp.

_Remus..._

Every wish smothered.

_Sirius..._

Every plea gone unanswered.

_Anybody...?_

And then, betrayal, by those I thought to be my closest friends, my family.

It had been so subtle at first, I had merely thought it a by-product of their relationship, as both Hermione and Ronald began distancing themselves from me. I had thought they had been intending to spare my feelings...how wrong I was.

Lately though, they've been getting sloppy. I catch snippets of conversations I'm not meant to hear, facial expressions that don't match up, secretive glances they think I don't notice.

But I do.

How could I not notice, as right when I needed them the most they left me, without any explanation.

It's not that they don't pretend, they do. They just aren't there anymore, not the Ron and Hermione I had become friends with on my very first ride of that shiny red train, but the people who ignored my every plea, who scorned my every mistake, who judged and judged again, blaming me for their misfortunes.

My betrayers.

I spend more and more time alone now, sunrise and sunset, letting the sun wash over me. Reminding me of what I was missing in my little cupboard, reminding me that there is a world outside of that staircase, and that I'm still out here.

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Late already, I walked quickly towards the great stone gargoyle, as Professor McGonagall had kept the class back for ten minutes to help pack away the spare furniture we have been turning into reclining lounge chairs.

There was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have been trying to ignore all morning. A feeling that this meeting with the Headmaster did not bode well for my future.

A stray beam of sunlight passed over my shoulder and glinted off one of the eyes of the headmasters gargoyle. It was almost exactly like the material that made up the handle for The Door.

Within seconds the gargoyle had swung outward, the spiral stair case rotating to reveal a furiously angry Snape, looking likely to commit some brutal murder, but rather than acknowledging my presence simply stormed off down the corridor.

Gathering my courage, I took a deep breath and stepped onto the first step, closing my eyes as the staircase twirled my body upwards.

* * *

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Still looking for a Beta!

Ciao,

JezibellaFleury


	3. Jasmine Prayers

**Chapter Three: Jasmine Prayers**

Stepping into the headmaster's office, I ignored the multitude of distractions that his shiny trinkets could have afforded me. And even though Snape had left and the Headmaster is smiling wistfully behind his desk, the room hangs heavy with a frustrated kind of tension, as if Snape had just forgotten to take his presence with him when he left and it had infested itself within the very walls of this room; reaching out from the stone to lap against my skin.

"Harry, my boy, please sit. Would you like some tea? How do you take it? With milk and sugar? And please do have a lemon drop or two; I finally managed to convince Minerva to fetch me a reasonable stash of them."

I tried my best to repress a snort and politely shook my head, taking my seat in the dark straight-backed chair across from his desk; rather than my sitting in the plush blue monstrosity I have grown accustomed to. I am growing tired of the Headmasters 'hosting' skills, and quite frankly I'm positive he is dosing either the tea or the candy with some potion or another. I'm not paranoid, I think.

"Do you, my boy, happen to have an idea as to why you are here?" Dumbledore asked gently.

"No, sir." I looked up from my nails, trying to feign some form of interest for the conversation ahead.

"You know, Harry, you are a very important person. You are a symbol of hope throughout the Wizarding world; as an infant you brought a respite from a war we were losing, that managed to last for 14 years, you are growing into such a powerful wizard Harry, and we already have so much to thank you for and yet we seem to always expect more. Some days I fear we ask too much of someone so young, but looking at you now Harry, I know that you would go to any lengths to see your friends' futures safe."

I had to put in a little more effort not to scoff at his sentiment. What friends?

Dumbledore took a deep breath and sucked noisily on a lemon sherbet, lost in thought.

To be honest I have only a vague idea of what he was gibbering about, I think I lost interest the moment the words started falling from his lips.

"...and so it is vitally important we do something about your education."

Obviously I hadn't been listening so I attempted to convince him I didn't understand by sitting there blinking owlishly.

Dumbledore frowned deeply.

"Surely, my boy! You don't think that a mere school for adolescents can teach you what you _need _to know in order to protect yourself from the likes of Voldemort and his supporters, do you? But you are still so young, and we have plenty of time, no need to rush, yes, no need."

The twinkling eyes that were usually so focused drifted off for a few minutes, before snapping back to look at my eyes. With a sigh that seemed too great for the man himself, Dumbledore picked up yet another yellow candy and fiddled with the wrapper.

"I wish for you to resume your occlumacy lessons with Professor Snape. Severus, himself, is willing to start now; however, I feel that you have no need to rush and that you should enjoy as much of the year as possible. I wish for you to take as much time as you want with this." Dumbledore said, smiling in that infuriatingly gentle, grandfatherly way.

"Now, Harry, I know Sirius' death was very hard on you, and if you need to talk, I'm always here for you."

Bullshit.

"It's always very hard losing people that you're close to at your age, and you seem to be coping very well, you're studies are definitely improving and I'm sure Sirius would be very proud."

Are you fucking kidding me? _This _is your idea of coping?

"We will talk about resuming your occlumacy lessons another time when Severus can be present. As I keep saying there is truly no reason to rush. I'm hoping that you two will be able to put aside your differences and work together to begin your training. "

It'll be a cold day in hell, before Snape can see me as myself, rather than my father, so keep hoping you stupid old man.

"The third period is soon to begin, you are dismissed."

"Yes, _Headmaster_"

I could feel the old man's eyes twinkling at me on my way towards the spiral staircase, a cold feeling slipped down my spine and I realized something.

No-one could win this war for me. No-one can protect me from this prophecy. Dumbledore in his infinite wisdom was playing the waiting game with my life; playing out this war like a great big, bloody chess game.

On the way down to Herbology I realized something else.

I wasn't his golden boy, and I'm not going to wait for him to get me killed.

Fuck Dumbledore, Fuck everyone.

I'm going to finish this war.

Me.

Just Harry.

With that grim determination I held my head a little higher and tried to hurry to my third period; which resulted in a stick somehow becoming lodged in my shoe. Stupid motherfucking shit-stick.

* * *

Herbology was a total drag, Professor Sprout spent so much time telling us what the years before us had done wrong and didn't actually let us replant any of the wild marsh-flower.

So, a little irritated, I made my way down to the Great Hall, I was so lost in thought I didn't notice I was on a collision course until I bumped into wall of flesh.

"Potter!" The blonde spat at me as I attempted to get up off the floor. "Leave me _alone_." I looked up at him, retort on the tip of my tongue, only to see his form retreating down towards the dungeons.

I try to shrug off the odd feeling in my stomach, a cross between the result of skipping breakfast and Malfoy's attitude, and I slipped into the Great Hall. The lunch hour looked to be another I skipped before I felt an arm slip through mine.

A few things happen at once. My nose was filled by the gentle scent of Jasmine, I'm being dragged off to the table full of Ravenclaws, and Luna starts smiling.

"My Harry, you sure have been busy today, your brain must be fit to bursting with all those ideas floating around your ears." Her blue eyes are almost piercing before softening for a moment. "It's okay Harry. We don't need to talk about it just yet. But come sit, eat, I have seen less of you this year that my dad's seen Bowtruckle seedlings sprout; or lose their first casing, you haven't seen them around have you Harry?"

We're sitting at the far end of the table, but no-one seems keen to sit anywhere near me. Trying to listen to Luna means I only see about half the stares sent my way, but I see them nonetheless. I focus back to Luna and she's pulled out her notebook, doodling small star-shaped flowers around the corners. There a pair of glasses much like mine, drawn on an owl, that if you squint, looks like mine. A snippet of verse catches my eye, scratched out in ink in the lower corner.

_When Jasmine settles on a winter's frost,_

_And time is gone and all seems lost._

_The enemy you made a friend,_

_Is the one you can count on in the end.  
_

"Hey Luna, what's this?" I trace my finger along one of the little snakes she's drawn along the border.

"It's you, Harry, well it's not actually you, but it is. See?"

I'm quite confused, but I'm enjoying the way the snakes seem to disagree with which way to go, their tails tied around each other.

"ARG! I'm not terribly good at explaining myself, Harry. But Dad says the best things in life don't need explaining...or they can't be explained...I'm not sure which. But it's a present for you, when it's finished. I started drawing it when you helped me find my shoes Harry. I figured you were too smart to lose something you knew you had, so I figured I'd find something you had that you didn't know you did."

I smiled, whatever it was, it was all Luna.

And it was real.

* * *

Tonight I attempted to get to sleep early but I still had that odd feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I know it well now, its dread.

* * *

The second I fall asleep I know I'm dreaming; I'm not this tall, and the dormitory has never been this cold. There is an odd sensation on my cheek, like I'm sucking on it, but I'm not. I'm sure.

It's wet, and there is a tangy flavour on my tongue I'm sure I shouldn't like. I stand and walk into the bathroom, the mirror is well light, but the candles are out.

A white line runs along my cheek from jaw to nose, like a very old scar. I reach up to touch it, and my fingernails catch on the edge of it, and the white is falling away. Bits of it coming to rest on the floor.

The light is flickering as if the candles were lit, but spluttering and on their way out.

Behind the white, red starts to seep through, and my cheek seems to slip beneath my hands.

When I touch the gaping wound with my fingers, I can feel my tongue. The blood is pooling on the back of my hand and states to run down to pitter-patter on the floor. When I look back up from the red dripping on the floor, I don't catch my reflection before the light goes out.

Then I start to scream.

* * *

Thank Merlin for silencing charms.

The moonlight is filtering dimly through the curtains when I stop pretending to be asleep and get out of bed quietly. Slipping on some thick socks to hide my footfalls and pulling my father's cloak out from underneath the bed, where I had kicked it last time I had used it, I resigned myself to yet another nightly vigil. Carefully, as to not wake the others I edged my way down the stairs and into the frigid hallways.

I was so intent on my destination that the inquisitive eyes peeking out from beneath one of the piles of brilliant red sheets went completely unnoticed.

* * *

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Reviewers so far:

**Celtic Harmony -**

_A big thankyou for helping me with Chapter 3, It took awhile but now it's finally out of my head._

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_Snape loving will take awhile, as it is he's still an evil old bat to ickle Harry, but it will get there soon enough._

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_Soon...didn't happen. Sorry, hope you enjoyed Chapter 3 regardless._

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_Nice username, :) Thankyou for the review._

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_Thanks, I hope it continues to be a good read._

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_^_^ updates will be out asap from november onwards, thanks for the reviews! I really appreciate chapter per chapter reviews, :D_

**LittleMrsAdams - **

_A big thankyou for helpin me polish up Chapters 1 and 2, and sorting out some of the future plot. :D I hope you and your laptop are well!_


	4. Bring the Rain

**Chapter Four: Bring the Rain**

My feet were freezing even with the thick bed socks on, so my pace quickened. Corridor after corridor I traced out the well known path, resisting the urge to brush my fingertips against the dusty walls.

The Door comes into my vision and again I am captivated, I feel as if a string is attached to my heart, pulling me to towards The Door; promising a comfort and beauty I can't possibly fathom. There's a presence in this corridor I can't explain but it's addictive.

It's feels almost as if I'm not as alone as I thought.

Rather than staying staring tonight I decide to come closer, my courage fueled by my epiphany earlier today. My naked fingertips reach out and brush ever so gently against the wooden surface, after a few harmless caresses of the doors surface I assumed the next step was relatively safe. My fingers wrapped around the door handle...And as if struck by lightning I draw my hand back sharply, biting my lip to repress a small scream and clutching my hand to my chest.

Footsteps.  
It's definitely footsteps I can hear coming from behind The Door.

The pain recedes from my mind as I begin to panic, turning back down the hallway. Running as fast as I dared down the labyrinth of stone pathways, I managed to make it back to the tower without incident.

Rather than thinking of crawling into the warth of my bed, as I climbed the stairs I was sharply reminded of the pain in my hand, as the fire flared again under my skin. Heading into the bathroom rather than the dormitory, I closed the heavy door as quietly as possible single handed. The candles flickered into life as soon as it clicked into place, making me blink in the harsh light, a stark contrast to the imposing darkness of the labyrinth.

Over the basin I let my hand go from the others grasp.  
There was a fair bit of blood and a small burn-like mark in the center of my palm. Which was odd as it was the only part of my hand that had not even touched the handle.  
For a moment I stared, watching my fingertips drip red, the rivulets of blood running down the inside of the basin, sliding gracefully across the white surface.

For a moment I'm back in my dream, and the tiles shift back and forth in my vision. The door creaks open and I consider hiding my hand, but the blood is everywhere now so the idea is pointless.

"Harry?"

It's Neville, probably the only boy in my dormitory that wouldn't sleep through a stampede of pissed off hippogriffs.

"I'll be right back, run your hand under the tap."

The door creaks again and I guess I should do as he says, given everything we went though last year at the ministry. I don't feel like Neville would betray me like the others, he just feels different...warmer...like Luna. There are so many I thought to be like family that feel so cold, that their presence has become unbearable.

"Harry, here, give me your hand."

I'm trying to co-operate, but instead my body decided to flop itself down onto the floor, so i pull myself along to the wall, proping my traitorous body up against it.

Neville just sighs quietly, and sits down next to me with a jar of sweet smelling salve in his hand. Slowly, as if not to scare an injured animal...which I guess in some way I am...Neville reaches out and takes my hand, soothing the salve into the burned flesh, and dabbing away the excess blood with his own towel. I've never been so glad that the towels in Gryffindor are such a dark red, or so grateful that Neville was sorted here with me.

"It's okay, Harry. Almost all better now, but there's no getting rid of that scar. I gather you were out wandering again but it doesn't matter anyway, lets just get you to bed."

Neville pulled me up and let me lean on him as we climbed the staircase, albeit a bit unsteadily, to our dorm. I was so dizzy he even had to help me get into bed, taking my cloak and folding it neatly before hiding it underneath my pillow, and my ugly glasses to then place on the rickety bedside.

"Night, Harry"

After that the dizziness was inescapable and the dimly lit dormitory slowly faded to black.

* * *

_Feed the Muse! She eats Reviews!_

Thanks to the new reviewers, my muse has so far not starved; :)

**LIGHTNSHADOWS**- Good job interpreting my not-so-subtle plot seedlings. I hope you like this chapter with more developments on 'The Door'.

**Anniriel**- It should get easier to understand soon as the fledgling plot comes to fruition. Hopefully I can make it just as interesting as some of the greater epics I've read over the years.

A triple-super thank you for reviewing per chapter. It really made my week.

**music909**- You're welcome.

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**Mayday madmay-** Thanks, I adore Luna for some odd reason - probably because she reminds me so much of myself when I'm overdosed with caffine.

**Y U NO UPDATE- **Super sorry, hopefully the quality of this chapter makes up for the considerable wait. And if the fairies smile on us all a longer even newer chapter will be up soon.

**Jiji-chi- **Om nom nom nom Ravenclaws for tea, if it's blue n' black, it'll fit in my belly!


	5. Sizzle, Crackle and Pop

**Chapter 5: Sizzle, Crackle and Pop**

The walls are slightly blurry, but I'm sure I'm walking down a stone corridor, in shiny dress-shoes for some unfathomable reason.

Click, Click, Click...

They make an awful racket, and I hasten my step. Wide, wooden double doors meet me at the end of the passageway and they swing open, as if inviting me inside. From the room I can faintly hear the sizzle of a log in the fireplace, but can see absolutely nothing.

"You're late."

A silky, definitely masculine, disembodied voice echoes out from the black nothingness in the room, not exactly encouraging me to enter but I feel myself moving regardless.  
I have no idea what I'm supposedly late for, but the darkness isn't just the absence of light. It's almost solid and I feel my body pressing up against it, pushing through it like a thick caramel. I'm not sure I could go back if I tried. I'm completely encased, but somehow still breathing. I try not to panic as something touches my hand.

"Relax, you idiot."

The voice is back and the black caramel is melting, hands are touching mine, but I still can't see. I pull my hands out of the grip they are in to wipe my eyes, but they are caught again and I'm pushed flush up against another body, a male body, arms wrapping around my shoulders, fingers carding through my hair. I almost moan at the sensation, never in my life have I been held like this. It's electrifying, the fingers on the back of my neck stroking my skin softly. From far off I can hear hissing, possibly Parsletongue, but it is so faint I can't concentrate on the syllables. The arms wrap around me tighter and stiffen as if in fear, and then I am released suddenly, almost falling back onto the stones.

"GO! Quickly!"

The black begins to shift, colours flying into place and shapes forming. The man's figure dissolves with the black, and as his voice fades new sounds replace it.

An explosion in the distance, cursing and shouting, the crackle of magic flying through the air is all around me. There is snow on the ground and my feet are bare, freezing, I make it behind a tree. Killing-curse green and stunner red fly through the air, lighting up the otherwise dark night. I grab for my wand, but I don't have it, and the fight is getting closer. An army of masked, black robed Death Eaters swarm over the hill, emerging from the forest, so I run. I run until my breath is laboured and my footsteps sloppy, until I trip over something and land face-down on the ground. Someone is laughing behind me, approaching footsteps, I'm resigned to the fact that it's over. I'm dead.

And the black caramel is back, spreading over my eyes, my hands, but this time I'm choking. It's in my mouth and my nose and I can't breathe.  
I can't breathe... 

* * *

I'm tangled in the covers and I hit my head on the dresser as I fall out of bed, making me cry out. I lay still for a short time, trying to get my breath back, as soon as I start moving though my hand screams in protest.  
Rustling, Neville's getting up and walking towards me.  
"Bloody hell Harry." Neville looks frustrated and I feel awful for disturbing his sleep.  
He untangles me from the covers and helps me sit back up on the bed. I feel woozy and nauseous and I really hate it.  
"Only you Harry, could cause so much trouble while sleeping, you've cut your head you know. Madame Pomfrey will have to look at it this time."  
I looked up at him. He looked tired, how late did I come back last night?  
"I'm sorry Neville, you shouldn't have to deal with this."  
Now he's glaring at me, so I duck my head a little, I didn't want to deal with anyone right now. He puts a hand on my shoulder, and grabs me tightly.  
"Come off it Harry, that's what friends are for, if I didn't look out for you who would?" 

* * *

The Hospital wing visit was awful, Snape needs to fix the taste of those bloody potions, but I made it to my morning classes on time. They were pretty average, but I had Potions to look forward to after lunch...or more correctly, after hiding from as many people as possible for an hour.

Coincidently I was early. Snape swirled into the room as usual and barked out orders for the potion we were making. I waited for everyone to be done before going and grabbing the ingredients from the class cupboard. It was pretty quiet for a potions class, as Neville wasn't allowed to participate this year, so Snape wasn't yelling all the time. I zoned out for a while, chopping, stirring, checking the instructions now and again. The potion was a bright cerulean and was bubbling away, making little popping noises here and there. I was still feeling dizzy, but it wasn't so bad. I bottled my potion when I was finished and cleaned up my workstation and my classmates chatted. I grabbed the bottle, intending to hand it into Snape early and hopefully sit down to do some reading for a short while when the world tipped sideways, straightened and then tipped in the other direction. I struggled to get the potion to sit on Snape's desk before I collapsed. 

* * *

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New Reviews:  
**Veronica Mitchell**-  
Thank you for guilt-tripping me into writing a new, albeit short chapter. I had almost completely forgotten about this, what with my needy partner being cute and graduating university and beginning my honours degree I was a little distracted. I will attempt to update again and again.  
**Azrael Jinsei**-**  
**Thanks for the reviews. My muse does smile on me...but usually it's pretty demented looking really.  
**Koizumi Romi**-**  
**Thanks for the review. I seem to only write like this when I listen to particular songs.  
**Joytiger**-  
Thanks for the review, see I made more!  
**Elfin69**-  
Thanks for the review, hopefully Harry will make it through this.  
**YaoiCookies87**-  
You're welcome, thanks for the review.  
**Ravenoftime**-  
This story is pretty much cliché in that department. Thanks for the review.


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